


Hamish

by CassidyStark



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Sherlock, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Translock, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-03-12 04:06:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3343052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassidyStark/pseuds/CassidyStark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A genderfluid Sherlock in his 20's is married to John Watson and expecting their baby.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Sherlock had known for almost his whole life that he was like this but he had no proper name for it until he was in his late teens and he discovered it on the internet. Gender fluid. Sometimes in his life he felt like the woman he was born as. And sometimes, more often, he felt like a man. It wasn't always easy, but this was who he was and he tried not to let it hold him back.

He never thought that he would find anyone like John. John was one of the most amazing people he had ever met. They worked well together. John made him happy. He loved John and John loved him. It was a privilege to be his. He couldn't imagine life without him.

It was during a time where he felt more like a woman, that this all happened. They had fallen into bed together, not for the first time or the last time. Sherlock was on birth control so he'd thought that they were safe. Both he and John were clean of any transmittable diseases.

It started with nausea. Sherlock had to walk away from a body several times during cases because he felt as though he might get sick. He'd seen plenty of bodies in his line of work and it never made him feel sick before. John was concerned and Sherlock admitted that maybe he might be coming down with the flu.

Sherlock was craving strange foods that he didn't usually enjoy. He felt annoyingly emotional. But he continued to tell himself that it was probably just a virus. There was nothing else that it could be.

John was the one who insisted that he take a test and it resulted in an argument because Sherlock thought that it was absolutely ridiculous. There was no possible way that he could be pregnant. John insisted that he was concerned about Sherlock's symptoms as a doctor. "Just take the test, show me that it's negative, and then we can figure out what else it might be. Do it for me."

So Sherlock sighed and rolled his eyes. He took the test with him into the bathroom. Then he handed it to John who waited the time limit to look at the results. The little stick had two pink lines. There was no mistaking the result.

"No, it's wrong," Sherlock said.

"There's another. Take the second one."

So Sherlock did and again there were too unmistakable lines.

At first all Sherlock could feel was shock and confusion. How could this have happened? "I'm on birth control..."

"Birth control is only 99% effective. It's possible that you're in the 1% that got pregnant."

"I'm not pregnant. This isn't happening. I can't do this."

"Sherlock..."

"Don't touch me!" Sherlock ran off to bed and he cried into his pillow.

John set up an appointment with a friend of his, one who would be understanding of Sherlock's situation.

"What do you want to do about this?" John asked him one night while they ate dinner together in their apartment.

"About what?" Sherlock asked.

"The baby."

Sherlock sipped his tea and didn't respond for a long time. Finally, he said "What do you want to do?"

"Well," John said slowly. "I've always wanted to be a father someday. But if you don't want this, I wouldn't blame you at all."

John was too good to him... "I guess that we will go through with this."

"I love you," John assured him, wrapping an arm around him. "We're going to get through this, okay? It's nine months and then it's over and we'll be a family. I'll be here for you the whole time."

"I love you too," Sherlock replied.

The next night, Sherlock asked him "Do you think the baby will be confused by my gender?"

John smiled and shook his head. "Don't worry. Our baby will grow up in this house and find it normal. They'll be so loving and kind and accepting of all kinds of different people. Our child is going to be brilliant."

John sounded so sure that Sherlock really wanted to believe him. He still had his worries though...

John came home the day before the doctor appointment and found Sherlock on the bathroom floor. He was bleeding and immediately John was alarmed. He ran over to him and asked him "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I tried to shave my legs," Sherlock confessed miserably.

Relief flooded John as he realized the blood was just from a few shallow cuts on Sherlock's legs. Nothing serious. He and the baby would be okay. "Why did you do that?"

Sherlock couldn't even remember the last time he had shaved his legs. "I'm going to the doctor and I was worried they wouldn't like my hairy legs."

"Oh Sherlock, you don't have to worry about that. Doctors don't care if your legs are hairy or not, trust me. Besides, I know this doctor and they are amazing."

"I don't know about this John..."

"About what?"

"The gender thing... am I supposed to feel like a woman now that I'm pregnant?"

John shook his head. "Just because you're pregnant, it doesn't change who you are. If you feel like you're a man, then you're a man. It's as simple as that. And if you feel like you are a woman, then you will be a woman. It doesn't matter how you look, what you wear, or if you shave your legs. Gender is much more complex than that. You know that."

"I know that," Sherlock agreed. But sometimes he needed to be reassured. Thank goodness for John Watson. Maybe if he had John by his side, he really could get through this.


	2. Chapter Two

Sherlock made it for his first appointment a day short of six weeks pregnant. He was incredibly nervous but he had John there holding his hand. He was grateful that the doctor knew about their situation. They didn't even have to wait in the waiting room with all of the pregnant women. The doctor got him right in.

The doctor explained to Sherlock that it was too early to see the baby on an abdominal ultrasound and it would have to be vaginal. He cringed at that word and the thought of some probe type instrument going that place.

"It's going to be okay. I'm right here," John reminded him.

"It won't hurt," the doctor assured him. "If you feel too uncomfortable, let me know and we'll stop."

So Sherlock stripped his pants and laid on the table, putting his feet up in some obnoxious stirrups. He reminded himself to keep breathing and he held onto John's hand. He focused on John the whole time until the doctor told him to look at the screen.

"There's your baby," he said.

John smiled and there were tears in his eyes. Looking at him, Sherlock thought that this just might be worth it. John was so happy and he would make a good father. Sherlock was sure of that. John deserved this.

He gazed at the screen and smiled a little. The baby was nothing more than a small gray blob. He could see the heart beat flickering on the screen which amused him more than anything.

In the end, they got some pictures of the ultrasound to take home with them and a prescription for prenatal vitamins.

"You did really good," John told him. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you," Sherlock replied, appreciating the compliment.  
\---

The sixth week of pregnancy brought fatigue and more nausea. Sherlock did not physically get sick but he felt as though he might all the time. It happened every day and lasted most of the day. Everything smelled disgusting to him, even John's favorite cologne that Sherlock usually liked. John didn't seem to mind though. He switched to a lighter scented cologne and gave Sherlock breaks during cases, telling everyone that Sherlock had been dealing with a virus but would be okay. Sherlock definitely wasn't ready to tell everyone about the pregnancy when he was still trying to adjust to it himself.

Sherlock stayed up late at night working on cases. Once he did fall asleep, he would often wake up throughout the night. He would move closer to John and fall back asleep. When he finally did wake up it was noon most times unless he was called for a case. He would still be tired and feeling sick as John insisted that he eat a healthy breakfast for the baby. He would force some food in, make it through the day, then it was a relief to be home again.

He could relax with John, eat dinner, and rest. Nausea usually wore off as the night went on and he would eat some healthy snacks but also a little chocolate. Then it was off to bed to repeat the process.

John brought home a book for him called What to expect when you're expecting. Sherlock flipped through it but found it to be dull. It kept using so many feminine pronouns that it annoyed him. He decided to save it for a day that he was feeling more like a woman and could maybe read it without feeling dysphoric.

"What has John been feeding you?" Lestrade asked one day.

"What?" Sherlock raised an eyebrow, confused by such a question.

"You've been putting on weight."

"I have not!" Sherlock frowned.

"You're getting a bit of a stomach."

Before Sherlock could say the insult he was thinking of, John pulled him away saying he needed him to look at something. That was actually a lie, John just didn't want to an argument to break out.

"Maybe we should go shopping," John suggested.

"And buy what? Maternity dresses and blouses?"

"No." John shook his head. "We'll just find you some clothes that are slightly less tight fitting."

"I'm not even showing," Sherlock said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm just...bloated. I haven't gained any weight."

"I know."

"What's going to happen when I get bigger and still want to dress like a man?"

"We can find you bigger men's shirts and I can have some of your pants altered to fit."

"Really? You think that would be possible? People will know I'm not a man anyway..."

"It is possible and you are a man no matter what other people say. You feel like you are a man so you are. And if you feel like you're a woman one day, then you will be. It's simple."

"Do you think Lestrade and the others will think that it's that simple?"

"I think that they will come to understand. And if they don't, you can't let that worry you. You have to live your own life. You know who you are. I know who you are. And I love you. That's what matters. There are always going to be people in life who don't like you or me or don't agree with what we do. It doesn't matter what gender or color or religion you are. There will always be someone who doesn't like you. That's life. It's the people who love and accept you that are important. Those are the people you focus on."

Sherlock wrapped his arms around John and hugged him tightly. He had no idea how he ever got so lucky to have a husband like John.


	3. Chapter Three

John accompanies Sherlock to the next ultrasound at eight weeks. The baby is looking more like a baby this time but still quite tiny. There are happy tears in John's eyes as he watches the baby moving and listens to the strong heartbeat. Sherlock in still in disbelief that there is actually a tiny person inside him. He doesn't talk about it though, not wanting to risk ruining the happiness for John. He can't help but wonder if he should feel more connected to the baby...

He's tired and nauseous all of the time. His emotions are frayed. He snaps at John over the most trivial of things and apologizes for it soon after. John doesn't hold it against him though. John thinks it's a miracle that this is all happening. He's excited for them to be a family.

They shop for clothes that will fit him better and hide the small belly Sherlock is getting. He's so thin and it seems to show on him sooner than some other people he'd seen. This disappoints him.

He tries on a dress made for pregnant women. He tries to feel pretty and motherly and like an expectant woman should. Instead he just feels trapped. He takes the dress off and decides to stick with baggy mens clothes. He despises them, missing his form fitting button downs.

He's not ready to explain to people. He doesn't know how he will ever explain. He'll have to eventually but he doesn't like to think about it. Because they'll look at him differently and he doesn't want any of them to.

He looks in the mirror at his rounded belly and he hates his body more than ever. John insists that he's gorgeous and amazing but Sherlock doesn't feel like it's true. He doesn't feel worthy of John's praises. He feels...wrong. And he doesn't know how he'll survive the next months.

John always tells him that it will be better once the baby is born. Then he can get his figure back. They can resume being Sherlock and John as they always were. He can dress the way he likes. But Sherlock knows that only part of that is true.

Things will never be the same. People will always know the truth about him, people he doesn't want to know. Like Anderson. Ugh. Anderson was bound to stir up a lot of trouble and sure enough John would come to his rescue. But he was no damsel in distress and didn't always like John having to defend him. Did John ever get tired of it? No, he didn't think so. John loved him more than anything and that still left Sherlock in awe whenever he thought about it.

Things wouldn't exactly go back to normal either. They would have a child in their house. John had always wanted a family but Sherlock hadn't really been planning on it. Would his work suffer because he would be too busy being a parent? Would he and John have time to themselves ever again? Who would watch their child when they were away on cases?

And what about as the child grew older? What would that be like? Would he take after John and be kind and compassionate? Would he be like Sherlock, calculating and so different than others around him? Would he be a mix of both of them? A kind detective? A calculating doctor? Would he have John's eyes or Sherlock's curls?

He would be smart. That was for sure. But just because he was smart, would he not be ashamed of his father who was sometimes his mother? Would other children tease him at school? Would other parents whisper about him and John? He could fail so very badly at being a parent... But John wouldn't. John would be an excellent father. Sherlock knew that without a doubt. He deserved it. If only Sherlock could be a better parent and partner for him.

What if the child was a girl? Sherlock had no sisters. He didn't know how to raise a young lady. Maybe John would? But he couldn't completely rely on John all of the time...could he? This was their child together.

He didn't know if he was ready for any of this but it was too late to turn back now...

Sometimes he wished that he could feel more like a girl again. It did happen sometimes. It was what made him genderfluid, feeling like he was a girl sometimes and feeling like a man other times. It just so happened to be that he felt like a man more often than a woman.

If he did feel like a girl, maybe the dysphoria would let go of him for a little while. Maybe the situation of growing a child inside his body would no longer feel so bad. Maybe he could really step into the parent role. Or maybe not. He wasn't sure about it. He wasn't sure about anything.

John was always so sure though. He talked him down from metaphorical ledges. "Our child will love you no matter what because you are his or her parent," John assured him. "I know that you are capable of being a good parent and I will be right here to help you the whole way. I'm here for you, whatever you need. We have a lot of good people in our lives who care about you as well. We'll get through this and it won't be so bad."

Sherlock tried to believe John. John was smart and often did know what he was talking about, whether Sherlock wanted to admit that aloud or not. He could have no better partner in life than John Watson.

John continued to reassure him. "It's okay to feel afraid. It's okay to be nervous. It's okay to wonder if you'll be a good parent or not. It's okay not to feel so attached to the baby yet. A lot of parents go through that process. Parents get frustrated. They're tired. They're stressed. They're worried. It happens to everyone. But in the end, it usually turns out okay. Parents are people who all just try their best with what they have. That's all anyone can do. So try not to stress too much."

John did have a point there... Maybe it wasn't so weird to be feeling this way after all...

"I'll try," Sherlock promised. No guarantees but he could try.


	4. Chapter Four

One day John arrived home from work and found Sherlock to be in a dress. He had shaved his legs and was wearing a bow in hair. John didn't remark on it. Sherlock gave him a lot of credit for it.

Sherlock thought that he looked pretty. He got compliments when he'd gone out to the store. He sort of felt like a girl. But something still felt off. His body just felt wrong in general somehow. He wasn't sure if he felt like a boy or a girl. He wasn't sure what the right thing to do was. He tried to go with girl clothes because it was easier in some ways.

"It's okay to be confused," John said. "Most people believe that gender is a very clear thing, you are a man or you're a woman. You and I both know, it's more complicated than that. It's okay to feel that way. You're not alone."

"I know," Sherlock replied.

He went to shower and was surprised when John decided to join him.

"We don't have to do anything. I won't even touch you if you don't want me to," John assured him.

Sherlock felt vulnerable naked. His body was changing and he wasn't comfortable with it. But he slowly wrapped his arms around John and allowed himself to be held.

After the shower, Sherlock wasn't feeling well. He wasn't sure if it was the pregnancy, the confusion and worry inside his head, or some combination of the two. John made him tea and brought him a warm blanket.

John was too good for him. He loved solving mysteries but this was one mystery he didn't think he could solve. How John wanted him out of everyone in the world and loved him so much, it still left Sherlock in awe.

When Sherlock went to work, he wore men's clothes that were baggy and tried to hide his growing belly. Most people at work believe that he was a man and nothing else. Soon he would be forced to explain but he didn't want to. He didn't like being forced to do anything. He wanted to do it on his own time when he felt ready. Though he was pretty sure he would never be ready to explain to certain people. Why should he have to explain himself? Why did everything have to be so complicated? He just wanted to be himself, whoever that was exactly. He was exhausted from all of the worrying.

Sherlock arrived home, stripped out of his clothes, and looked in the mirror. He didn't like the sight of his own body. He'd never had this exact feeling before, unsure if he felt more like a man or a woman. It was a strange feeling that he didn't like at all. He wanted it to stop. He wanted everything to stop.

It wasn't fair. Why did some people get to be so confident in the bodies they were born in? It was so simple for them and the opposite for him. He hated it.

He wrapped blankets around himself and crawled into bed. He was there when John arrived home.

He had flowers in his hands as he entered the bedroom. "I brought these for you."

"How romantic..." Sherlock commented in a flat tone.

"Are you alright? Are you sick?" John was immediately concerned, going to him and feeling his forehead for a fever.

"I'm not sick , John," Sherlock insisted. "I'm just...uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable how exactly?"

"With myself. My body."

"Okay...is there anything I can do to help?"

"No."

There was a long moment of silence.

Then Sherlock spoke up again "Lay with me."

And John did. 

Sherlock was convinced that John was the best husband in the whole world.


	5. Five

At 12 weeks along, Sherlock and John went for another ultrasound. John nearly cried. He couldn't stop smiling as he watched their baby moving.

That was always a weird thing for Sherlock. It was hard to believe that there was really a baby inside him moving around. He couldn't feel it moving. It didn't seem all that real.

But John was so happy. He got to hear the strong heartbeat. He got to see their baby's face. He thought that the baby looked like Sherlock but it was hard to be sure. The doctor said everything looked excellent and John was so relieved.

Sherlock sometimes worried about the baby. He had no way to know if it was okay or not when he couldn't even feel it move yet. He was still adjusting to it all but he didn't want anything bad to happen to the baby. So even he was relieved to see that everything was okay.

It was still too early to tell if it was a boy or girl. That night over some ice cream, John asked "Do you have any feeling if it's a boy or girl?"

Sherlock shrugged. He didn't really feel anything. He thought it was an absurd question. He just shook his head and poked at the ice cream in his bowl with his spoon.

"I hope it's a boy," John said. "But a girl would be just fine too. I bet she'd be cute, a daddy's girl. I can't wait to find out. Then we can buy him or her things!"

Sherlock wasn't ready to be a parent even though John apparently was.

He was honestly terrified. This baby was going to be a real human being that depended on him. What if he failed as a parent? What if something bad happened to the child? So much could go wrong and it would be all his fault in the end.

He never planned for this to happen but it was happening regardless. There was no turning back now.  
\---  
Some days he felt so tired and sick that he didn't get out of bed. He felt terrible about his body and about his abilities as a future parent. And it crippled him. All he could do was curl up and hide beneath the blankets. John didn't force him to move. He brought him food and did his best to comfort him.

Other days it seemed okay. He thought maybe it wasn't what he had been planning but that it would work out. He had John by his side after all.

He hoped that he would adjust as time went on. They only had so many months left before there would be a real baby in their arms. He wanted to believe that he could love their child as much as John already did. He wanted to believe that he would be a good parent.

Sometimes he wished that he could go back in time and undo all of this. He wished that he could just go back to before they this baby came to be inside of him. Things were going so well then. And now his whole life had been turned upside down. He didn't know how John wasn't panicking. But he was glad that he wasn't. John was his rock through all of this. The future was a scary thing but as long as he never let go of John then he was sure they would survive the storms.


	6. Six

It wasn't long before Sherlock and John had their answers about whether their child was biologically a boy or girl. Of course they both knew that their child would grow up and they would be whatever gender they felt they were.

Sherlock didn't feel very qualified to raise a proper young woman and was actually nervous that it might be a girl. They found out from a phone call after a blood test. Sherlock answered the phone and the voice on the other end told him "All the test results came back normal. Do you still want to know the gender of the baby?"

"Yes," Sherlock answered immediately and tried to brace himself for the answer.

"It's a boy!"

"Oh, thank goodness," Sherlock blurted out, relieved.

The doctor chuckled and told him "You better go tell your husband."

Sherlock was actually excited to tell John the news. He found John at his lunch break during work and told him "They called with the test results."

"Is the baby healthy?" John asked, rushing over to Sherlock.

"Yes," Sherlock said, nodding.

"And...is it a boy or girl?"

"A boy!"

John hugged Sherlock and kissed him.

"I'm so happy," John told him.

Sherlock was pretty happy too.  
\---

Sherlock took a long time getting dressed for the day. Today he and John were going shopping for baby things. He asked himself if it would look weird two men shopping for the baby things and if it would look better if he was the typical pregnant woman shopping with her husband. 

He asked himself how he felt today gender wise and he didn't feel very feminine. He felt like a man but at the same time it was still so complicated. Because he didn't feel free to be the gender he wanted and he hated it. He felt like a man yet he had this baby inside him and it was just an incredibly strange thing. John always reassured him that he was still a man if he felt like one but it wasn't that easy.

Sherlock chose to dress like a woman. When John saw him he gave him a curious look. Not to insult him but rather to ask what gender pronouns he would like.

"It's just easier this way," Sherlock said.

And though he knew John probably didn't exactly agree with that, John didn't say anything to him about it the rest of the day.

They want shopping at a few places that sold baby things. They bought a stroller, a lot of tiny baby clothes, and a bassinet for their son to sleep in next to their bed.

Sherlock wasn't very comfortable being pregnant and struggling with his gender identity. He was still nervous about failing as a parent. But he was very slowly growing more attached to their son.

When he got home, he put on pajamas and laid down with John. They snuggled up together and John fell asleep with his hand on Sherlock's belly.


	7. Seven

Halfway there. You're halfway there, Sherlock kept telling himself. He tried his best to take comfort in that. Soon his body would be his own again but it seemed so far away.

And he was still pretty sure everyone would keep looking at him different than they used to no matter what now. His 'secret' was out. He could no longer hide it.

He despised his round belly. He despised his body for not matching how he felt most times. He despised whatever part of him made him genderfluid at all. He was weird enough without the gender issues really. He wanted to be himself and not worry about such silly things as gender, but he couldn't help it.

John had talked to everyone for him. He couldn't even drag himself out of bed to face everyone.

By the time John miraculously convinced him to face everyone again, they all knew the truth of his anatomy. Bless John, because whatever he said to them must have been good. No one said a word to him about the whole thing. But Sherlock did catch a few weird gazes. He tried his best to throw himself into his work.

None of his clothes fit right. He looked all wrong for wearing men's clothing with his growing belly. He could barely stand to look at himself naked. He felt guilty for not being able to be intimate with John even though John was so very understanding about everything.

How did he deserve a man like John? It was a true mystery.

He had no ill feelings towards their actual child. None of this was the child's fault.

Sherlock could feel their son moving now and it was the strangest sensation. He didn't really like it but was glad to know the child was healthy.

He couldn't decide yet if the child looked more like himself or John. John seemed overjoyed and often brought home baby things like tiny clothes and teddy bears.

They had even chosen a name for their child... Hamish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry the chapter is so short. Life has been busy.


	8. Eight

Sherlock was six months pregnant with his and John's son Hamish.

Most days were still a struggle with his dysphoria. He felt male pretty much always lately and that was difficult when he was noticeably pregnant. He felt as though he couldn't completely be himself.

He dealt with it by concentrating on his work. He took every case he could get his hands on. The more complicated the case the better for him. It kept his mind off of gender things that would only stress him out. And then John would tell him stress was bad for the baby and to relax more. It wasn't always easy to relax. When did he ever relax anyway? He was Sherlock Holmes and he got so easily bored.

John had gone out to have dinner with an old colleague so Sherlock was home alone. He had solved the case he was working on and felt ready to start shooting the wall just to entertain himself. He flopped down on their couch and turned on the television. Maybe he could find a could mystery program to occupy his mind.

He flipped through the channels aimlessly until finally something caught his eye. It was a romantic movie, the kind that usually just made him roll his eyes. But there was something different about this one. The scene that was on the screen was a passionate love scene between two men. It managed to keep his attention until John returned home.

John took off his coat then came over to give him a kiss on the cheek. Sherlock switched off the television and turned his focus to his husband.

"Watching anything exciting?" John asked him.

Sherlock stood and wrapped his arms around his husband. He leaned in slowly and kissed him. John seemed startled at first because they hadn't had a lot of intimate contact since Sherlock had gotten pregnant. But then his hands came to rest on Sherlock's hips and he returned the kiss.

Sherlock abruptly took John's hand and lead him towards the bedroom. John raised an eyebrow at him.

"Don't touch my stomach or my chest," was all Sherlock said. Then he added quickly. "Take me on my hands and knees."

And John had no problem complying.

Sherlock wanted to feel like a man again who was in love with his husband. And tonight he did. He fell asleep naked with an arm around John.

It wasn't ever really easy for him but he and John managed to make the best of it. They got through it together the best that they could.

Sherlock wasn't sure about their future and whether or not he would be a good parent but he had John by his side. He tried not to worry more than he had to. Only a few more months then he could have his body to himself again.

Pregnancy was a very strange thing to Sherlock in general. John was overjoyed to be able to feel the baby move from outside Sherlock's belly, but he was careful to only feel his belly when he had permission. He was such a good husband that way, never wanting to upset Sherlock or make him feel more dysphoric than he already felt.

It was strange for Sherlock looking in the mirror and seeing the round shape of his belly. It was strange being able to see his belly move with each strong kick. It was strange feeling the baby move inside of him. This was their son. A real person with his and John's DNA. They had created a life together. It was really happening. Sometimes it was hard to believe it.

It wasn't something he had planned and he was still quite nervous and uncomfortable with the idea. But he did look forward to seeing what their child would be like and watching John as a father. Sometimes he really felt like it would all be okay.


	9. Nine

Sherlock still occasionally thought that this pregnancy might be easier if he felt like a woman. He couldn't remember the last time he felt like a man this long. Not since he was a young child. Then again, for a long time he didn't understand what was wrong with himself and tried to ignore the gender issues going on in his head.

Usually he did feel like a man more than a woman but it would never last longer than a few months. The last time he felt like a woman was when he got pregnant.

Changes were constantly happening to his body that he despised. He could always feel the baby moving now. He could even see his belly moving and poking out when the baby would roll or kick extra hard. It was a good sign. Their son was growing strong and healthy. But it was still an odd sensation for Sherlock to experience.

His chest got rounder. His belly got rounder. He gained weight that filled out his hips and thighs in a feminine way. He didn't like to look at himself in the mirror and tried to avoid it as much as possible.

His ankles swelled after being on cases all day and John would force him to rest which was not exactly enjoyable for him. Certain foods still made him nauseas. He got heart burn and muscle cramps. He got fatigued more quickly. His belly was sore from stretching so much lately.

Even worse, he began to notice more and more stretch marks every day, angry red lines streaking across his perfect pale skin. They started on his thighs and grew until they covered his thighs, hips, and ass. They eventually made their way to his chest and his belly.

His body made him feel more dysphoric than ever. It didn't help his confidence at all.

And maybe with his dysphoria acting up so much, it could explain why Anderson was able to bother him so badly.

He could hear Anderson whispering things about him, things about his gender, using words that weren't appropriate. He really tried to ignore him because it was only Anderson and his opinion didn't matter all that much. But today it did effect him. He couldn't take it anymore.

He left the scene abruptly and made John have to chase after him. 

"I don't feel well," he simply told John.

John just nodded and went home with him.

Sherlock flopped down on the couch once they arrived at their apartment and that's when John finally began to question him. He asked if he could get him anything, what happened, what was making him feel ill... the loving husband and good doctor in him coming out.

Sherlock gave him a brief explanation of what happened. He explained how much he was disgusted by the sight of his own body lately. John comforted him, fed him tea and cookies. Then he took him to bed and showed him how much he still found him attractive and how much he still loved his body. He didn't mind the stretch marks or the extra weight. He was loving and passionate and took his time, all the while making sure not to touch Sherlock's chest or belly.

Sherlock felt better that night as he fell asleep in John's arms. Some days weren't as easy as others but John was sure to remind him they only had a couple months left before their son was home and his body was his own again.


	10. Ten

Sherlock didn't leave the house much in his last months of pregnancy. At some point he felt more like a she for the first time in months and it was a strange switch. She suddenly felt at peace with her body and the way it had changed. She even kind of liked her big round belly and feeling the baby kick. She thought how she would miss it when it was over, especially knowing it was the only time she would ever experience it. It wasn't something she had planned on experiencing at all. She did her best to enjoy every day despite being huge and uncomfortable.

Everything was prepared for the baby. All of their closest friends brought gifts for the little one. She and John painted John's old bedroom and transformed it into a bee themed nursery. The theme had been Sherlock's idea. John couldn't be more excited and it made Sherlock happy to see it. She knew John would be the greatest father in the world.

Hamish Watson Holmes was a big baby boy, well over eight pounds according to the ultrasounds. So Sherlock and John elected on surgery to take the baby out.

Sherlock was nervous but tried not to show it. John was by her side the whole time. And then suddenly there Hamish was. A nurse brought the baby over and John had tears in his eyes, smiling brightly as he took their son into his arms.

Sherlock thought the baby was a pretty nice looking baby though maybe he was a bit biased. Their son had Sherlock's hair and eyes but John's nose and lips. It was a perfect combination in Sherlock's eyes.

Molly and Greg both visited at the hospital. Molly brought a balloon saying 'It's a boy' and a little blue teddy bear. Both her and Greg congratulated them, generally happy for Sherlock and John.

John had no problem waking up at night to care for their little one while Sherlock healed from the surgery. John was always happy to feed Hamish bottles and even change his diaper. He was completely in love with their child. "He's the most perfect baby ever," he told Sherlock.

"I agree," Sherlock replied.

It was a couple weeks after their son was born that Sherlock began to feel more like himself. He and John were beginning to find a pattern for taking care of their child and were adjusting to their new life as a family. Mycroft visited the baby and it even made him smile seeing his nephew.

Sherlock felt more like a man again though he needed to buy new clothes to fit him better. His stomach hadn't gone completely flat yet, swollen slightly from surgery. There was loose skin there with stretch marks that would never fade completely. His belly button seemed to be permanently stuck out when it never had been before getting pregnant. His hips and thighs were a little fuller than before and that didn't seem to be changing. It was kind of a womanly thing. His body would never be the same, permanently changed by creating a baby. But John didn't seem to mind and was reassuring, helping Sherlock to accept the way his body was now.

He was ready to go back to crime scenes but John forced him to take it slow. His surgery wound was still sore and healing. That would leave a scar too.

He worked on cases at home whenever he could in between taking care of little Hamish. It was strange adjusting to this new life and being a real family. No one probably would have pictured him as a parental type taking care of a baby but here he was. It wasn't as bad as he thought. The baby was healthy and he was healthy and he had to be grateful for that.

He wondered what their baby would be like as he grew into a man and he was looking forward to watching him grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't gotten a chance to update this. I've been busy with my professional writing career as an author and I have a newborn baby boy just born on October 2nd.


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